MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
