Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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