i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
