Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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