Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i came on her dog
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
