??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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