Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
