I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
