fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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