I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
