who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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