ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
