I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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