I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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