I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
