I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
