I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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