i was born a porn star she said
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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