they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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