I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
