my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I forgot wine drunk hurts
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
