Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
