its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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