Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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