Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
