Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
