Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
