just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
