what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
