Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
