Barsexuality is the new black.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
love makes seman taste better
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
