My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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