i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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