i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
