go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
