Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
