We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
