he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
