you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
