Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
