I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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