so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
