Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
im six kinds of drunk right now
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
