i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
