I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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