grandma shit on top of the toilet
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
