Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
