even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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