There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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