The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
