farters have to be the big spoon...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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