I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
