You can't motorboat a personality
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
